Last night before bed, I found my old journal when I was cleaning out one of my dresser drawers. It was a gift from dear friends three years ago before I headed overseas for that first long trip abroad. It kind of became the secret place where I wrote down my deepest thoughts during that whole trip. It then continued to be an outlet throughout that first year after Miloš and I became a couple. It had been two years since my last entry in that little book, so I added a new one last night just for sentimental sake. (Plus, if someone finds it 200 years from now, they’re gonna want to know what happened! Haha!)
This morning, Miloš called me bright and early (midday for him over there). I told him what I had found the night before and he asked if he could hear some of it. We have no secrets between us and he knows everything about me, so I happily read him my journal and we kind of relived those early times together. We laughed at some of the silly shit we did. We got all lovey over the sappy stuff. (Alas, we were also both reminded of just how afraid and insecure I was in the beginning too – my rough past was a tough fighter to contend with.) Anyway, my journal was just part of our conversation over the few hours that we talked this morning. But it was really sweet to walk down memory lane.
I also took comfort in the fact that each time I wrote about my fears in that journal, I also wrote reminders to myself that my late Pop-Pop, my guardian angel, had given me repeated signs that this was the right guy for me. (He was practically hitting me over the head with an invisible hammer in order for me to get the picture!) I had written it in many entries that “Pop-Pop would never steer me wrong.” Over and over, he let me know that I was on the right path. Holy cow – I’m so glad he came down to help me with all that. He certainly did not steer me wrong. 🙂
And tonight, in my insomnia, I got to thinking about love and relationships and soul mates. (Of course, I am – I’m missing my man terribly! You know me by now, people.) I thought about how Miloš and I were on the phone for four and a half hours talking today and always had something to say – about big things, little things, random things, work things, life things, silly things. It was the same when we were driving to and from Disney in November. We talked the whole time. For the life of me, I couldn’t even tell you what all we talked about, and it doesn’t even matter.
Then tonight again I got to thinking about the stuff I wrote in that journal. My emotions were poured out onto those pages to live there in perpetuity. Some things just were so obvious, and kept repeating themselves in clear sight and in between the lines. How there was just something about Miloš – something about when we’re together – it’s been there from the very beginning. Something different. Something big. Of course way back then, I didn’t really know where it would go; I just knew it felt fresh and comfortable and wonderful. But maybe a part of me, deep down, really did know. Maybe that’s what happens when you meet your soul mate. Your conscious mind is still sort of in the dark, but your soul knows. It knows. It recognizes its match. Then it has to spend a bunch of time helping the rest of you realize the most obvious of truths.
I don’t know – just some thoughts – things I’ve observed – things that are bigger than me, and beyond me in the scope of cosmic understanding.
But what it really comes down to? Simple. I’m just glad I found my match. 🙂