Hi all! It’s 3:00am! I’m laying in bed! I’m awake!
Actually, I fell asleep early for a bit (due to my ongoing problem of falling asleep after 3:00am every night this past week), but then woke up and now my brain is going and going, and keeping me awake…
Thinking of my to-do’s: the prepping for my class this week, the new travel clients I’m helping, my little presentation gig, all the prep work for this year’s Christmas caroling season, etc, etc…. (shut up, brain!)
I was goofing around on my phone for a bit to unwind, just doing mindless stuff to distract myself: playing Boggle, looking at Pinterest (shoes! recipes! adorable kittens!), scrolling through Facebook, reading various blog entries on the internet. But I eventually broke out the laptop and decided to write down my thoughts.
You see, even though it might sound cheesy as hell, I really do have an incredibly difficult time sleeping when Miloš is away. When he’s cuddled up next to me, I’m out like a light. I literally fall asleep within minutes and get real decent good sleep. (We always sleep touching and tangled up together in some way or another all night.) When he’s away, I can’t fall sleep until 3am many nights. Then I awake with the sun through the windows at 7am. Maybe some people can get by sufficiently on such small amounts of sleep, but alas, I am not one of those people. Miloš and I talk about it regularly, and he has trouble sleeping too.
Being that we’re still in the midst of the cruise season, Miloš is away working and we are in constant “countdown mode.” For example, our countdown at the time of me writing this little entry is two and a half days. (Come ON Tuesday – get here already!) He was here last weekend for a day and a half, and it was fantastic. Even though he has his shifts to work on the ship everyday, we spend all his break-time together, and he can sleep here at my place while the ship is docked in town. This next visit has the ship in town for only 23 hours, but it’s still an overnight, and it’s still time together.
And just two and a half days until I get a really good night’s sleep.
I’ve tried to figure out why it is that I can’t sleep well when Miloš is away. This is not a new phenomena. But it does seem to fluctuate in intensity. It’s the worst when we’re apart after getting a long stretch together. Ever since we got back from vacation in July and he went back to the ship, it’s been a consistent problem. Is it just because I miss him so much? Is it the feeling of incompleteness when we’re not together that keeps me from my slumbers? Sometimes I think I sleep best with him because I feel so safe and secure in his presence; that my body just fully relaxes, and my mind is nicely distracted by all those happy chemicals flooding my bloodstream.
My to-do list shuts off when I’m laying next to him.
I’m not plagued by the stresses of daily life.
My overactive brain lays back on an imaginary hammock on some virtual beach somewhere and it leaves me alone.
Maybe it’s the unsettled homesick feeling kicking in that keeps me up as well? I wrote not long ago about how home is not a place. On nights like this one, I’m missing both my actual geographical home, and my “Miloš home.” It’s a double whammy – and being the overly emotional creature that I am, I don’t handle that kind of thing very well.
Although I think I will sign off for now, and follow the lovely advice from the famous song: I’ll lay here counting my blessings instead of sheep. (Especially since it’s 3:45am now – eek!)
In my life, I have true love with Miloš, fantastic supportive friends, and wonderful family. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I was born with intelligence and talents. My world has sunshine and nature and ice cream cones. I constantly make new happy memories that can brighten even the saddest of days. I have an awesome guardian angel in the form of my late Pop-Pop. I’m very blessed indeed. And even if I don’t fall asleep right away, I can at least lay here thinking happy thoughts, and eventually drift off with a smile on my face. Good night, all!
(And here’s some fun whimsical night time art that I found on Pinterest!)